We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
