if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Holy shit dude........stairs
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