I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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