went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
