She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize