what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
