I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
