I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
