just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
