so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
