we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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