So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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