I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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