you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
