So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
