I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
