Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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