I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Randomize
