omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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