I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
In other news, I just burned my penis
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
