so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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