Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You were trust falling into bushes
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
