I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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