Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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