i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
