Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
