I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
