guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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