Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
