its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
