So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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