Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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