I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
