My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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