we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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