woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I am available for nakedness
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
