the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
