so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
