Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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