I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
