margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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