just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
