no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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