so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
