Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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