My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Is it penis luge time yet?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
