i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think my vagina is haunted
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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