my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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