I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
