I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Found the puke drawer
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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