The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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