We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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